Journey back
by ihadanepiphany
Summary: Anakin began the long road of returning to himself


DISCLAIMER: I don't won Star Wars, George Lucas does; all go praise the Almighty Flannelled One!

AUTHOR: Ihadanepiphany

This is a bit of strange angst that just came spilling out one day in college (yes I'm in college at last!) its about how Anakin emerges from where Vader had put him, sufficiently vague do you think? Maybe I'll continue it, but I don't know. 

Reviews are essential! Enjoyment is optional. ^_^

He hung in the darkness, not seeing, not feeling.

His sight and thoughts were devoted to memories, memories from the long-ago days of when he'd felt the sun and the rain, when the wind had howled and when it was quiet enough to hear tiny insects in the grasses.

And those few and short days when he'd felt love and warmth in his heart.

Sometimes, he even remembered darker days of loneliness and pain. Anything to distract him from the timeless depth of thick nothingness that he had long embraced.

But sometimes he was jerked from the pit, back up towards the worlds outside. Times when great shockwaves would reverberate through the void, jar him from his willing prison and force him to face what had caused the change. Most times, the pain sent him fleeing down, deeper into the bottomless expanse. A long time in another lifetime ago, he had begun the journey down and now he could barely believe that he had ever experienced anything else. The desperately clung to memories seemed to belong to another man in another age.

But now, he floated closer to the higher level than he had done in a long time, a long time. Great vibrations had echoed through the blackness, causing him to move to this place and the realization of what had happened had nearly made him dive back into the welcoming maw, but something had stopped him, brushed across the vestiges of his mind and bade him pause for a time. So he did, firmly ignoring the faint diffusions of the worlds outside the pit and immersing himself in his memories, shutting out the events drifting down from above the upper horizon.

But after a while, curiosity –an emotion he had not felt in a lifetime or more- made him emerge from his past life and listen to the drifting information. But it was some time before he decided and even longer after that before he could make the courage to move closer to that border.

He listened to the drifting notes of thought that were carried down. Thoughts from the beast above. Images seen from the others eyes flashed across his mind. Sounds from the others ears appeared in his own. And all the while, great searing thoughts of hatred and rage, fear and betrayal burned through him, making him wish for the empty silent darkness that was beneath him.

He remembered now, how he had gone this journey before, had almost emerged from the clinging pit before the beast had turned him back, fleeing down, down.

He remembered the confusion of new, untapped thoughts, first-hand feelings and spotlessly new sounds and sights.

He remembered the pain of knowledge, of what the beast had done in his absence, and knew that the pain would be a thousand times greater than that last time.

He remembered the all-consuming darkness and knew that he could not go back.

But finally, completely decided, he began the journey upwards. The darkness, realizing his intent, clung to him, seeking to drag him back down to where he had been for so long. But he pushed those thick, insubstantial tentacles away and it fell back.

Last time, he had had to battle for every inch gained, but last time he was still unresolved. This time, with his cold determination, the way was clear and the path easy to follow.

He hesitated before the final horizon, knowing what lay on the other side and the darkness flowed toward him, but he kept it back. Then, he stepped through the shimmering border and finally left the pit that was his self-made prison for so long. Screams. Blood. Death. Blaster fire. The hum and crackle of a lightsaber duel. Fear. People dying. Screaming. 'Aggressive negotiations.' 'Why?' 'Slaughtered them like animals.' 'Sounds an awful like a dictatorship to me.' 'Mum?' 'Name the system. 'No you cant!' 'Alderaan.' 'Wasn't strong enough.' Battle. Screams. Blood. Fear. 'Death of me.' 'Leads to suffering.' 'Alderaan.' Death. 'Wasn't strong enough.' 'Stop people from dying.' Fear. Blood. Hate. 'Father to me.' 'Why?' 'I should be.' 'Wasn't strong enough.' 'I'm sorry.' 'Alderaan.' 'I'm sorry.'

The pain and confusion hit him on all sides, driving him to his knees, telling him of all the beast had done and reminding him of all he himself had done before the beast had taken over.

 'We will not be taken as hostages.' 'Cant leave her!' 'Now I am the master.' 'Like a father to me.' 'Death of me.' 'Animals.' 'Not all powerful.' 'Wasn't strong enough.' 'Alderaan.'

The temptation to run back into the welcoming emptiness of the pit was great, to escape these images and voices, to be numb of feeling, to remember only what he wanted to.

To ignore the actions of the beast.

'Fire when ready.' 'Alderaan.'

No. He couldn't do that. Not with the sight of a planet and all its inhabitants exploding into space dust and meteors behind his tightly shut eyelids.

 'So,' he heard from behind him. 'You return again Anakin.'

Anakin Skywalker climbed back to his feet, pushed away all the fear and pain, drawing calm around him like his now gone cloak and turned. 

 'That I am Vader,' he said quietly. 'And this time, you're not getting rid of me.'

I don't know about you, but I enjoy it, so heh. Tel me what you think and all that and then promptly forget all about it. ;)


End file.
